Monday, August 16, 2010

Wild Onesies


So, a couple regulars over at GTRCMBSHP are expecting. Her hubby has been making hockey/Wild-themed onesies (via DIY iron-ons).

So far they have:
It's ok to be a (insert Canucks logo here) HATER.
Girl Gone (Insert Wild Logo here) on the front and on the back by her butt it says It's not my diaper that stinks it's the (insert Canucks logo here).

So, we started riffing.

Here's what we've come up with so far:

I weigh more pounds than Shep scored points last season

I ate more times yesterday than Shep had points last year

I pooped more times yesterday than Shep had points last year

I took more naps yesterday than Shep had points last year

I'm pass(ifier) first, shoot second

I'm a hockey fan, and I've got the teeth to prove it!

The goal horn scares me, thank God I'm a Wild fan

Does this diaper make me look like I'm wearing breezers?

Sure I play defense, just try to get this bottle away from me!

Working on my hockey mullet.

Nordy-Free Zone

My diaper rash is Iron Range Red

If you think the beer at the X is expensive, try the milk!

Dan Terhaar's Vocal Coach

Got groin? (Marian Gaborik pic optional.)

Butt Paste - it's not just Alex Burrows' after shave.

What do I have in common with the Avs? We all have to use "No Tear" shampoo.

Yes, I suck my thumb. No, the Canucks haven't drafted me yet.

Man, those Sedin twins are creepy!

Can't skate. Can't shoot. Still can't lace my skates. DR 1st Round Draft Pick 2028.

Me > Skoula

I'm not just bald, it's a tribute to Zanon.

I look up to Pierre-Marc Bouchard....barely

I'd never make Burns sit in the middle seat in coach.

I Crap My Pants, For Russo's Rants

I'd rather eat creamed peas than be a Canucks fan.

Smarter than Greenlay.

Excuse me, ma'am, I speak Greenlay

Official Mike Greenlay Translator

Gorg Scares Me

Falness Scares Me

Got any other suggestions?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

All-Time Worst Wild Team, con't

by NiNY

So, I see we touched a nerve....

Great stuff so far (and thanks to the Hockey Wilderness boys for helping!) on the list.

Seems there's some interest in defining who is - or more accurately isn't - eligible. Over at GTRCMBSHP one of the regulars opined that players with 10 or fewer games with the Wild shouldn't be eligible. He also suggested a "Maxim Sushinsky Rule" wherein a player who was only on the Wild for one season, would need to have appeared in 30 games in that season in order to qualify.

I'm indifferent at this point. On the one hand, I can see how that's fair. But on the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about robbing Bill Muckalt or Chris Simon of their opportunity to be included.

Also, it is clear to me that Martin Skoula is going to be the lightning rod of this exercise. There can be no doubting he made some truly spectacular gaffes; as when he tripped over his own goal line, leading directly to a goal for noted sniper Nigel Dawes. But there is lingering recollection (grudging, perhaps) of periods where he was at least reliable and, at best, a standout on the Wild blueline corps (the end of the '08-09 season, for example.)

And, even if you were to adopt the suggested qualifiers above, you'd still have a list that, in addition to Skoula, includes the likes of Filip Kuba (NHL All-Star!!!1), Alex Henry (former captain!!!!1), Shane Hnidy, Lubomir Sekeras, Daniel Tjarnqvist, Ladislav Benysek and Sean Hill. In other words, you wouldn't be hurting for options.

The debate about Skoula has been brewing for a long time. And it's a legit debate - on both sides. Part of it was a truly special job of mismanagement by Risebrough when setting our expectations for Skoula. But the man also played ineffectually enough to warrant getting scratched because he got called out in the press (howhow, Russo!)

Carry on.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Wild 10-Year Anniversary, Let's Play Spoiler

The Wild is going to spend the year congratulating itself on surviving 10 years of playing existence this season.

Let's crash the party.

Who is your all-time worst Wild team?

Goalie, defense, defense, forward, forward, forward.

Noodles or Zac Bierk?

Zyuzin or Skoula? (Or both?)

Sly Blouin or Cam Stewart?

Sushi or Weinhandl?

Wyatt Smith or Dominic Moore?

All former Wild players eligible.

Tell me who and why, and we'll do this nice and scientific-like.

Heck, I'll even shoot the finished project off to the Wild PR peeps....nah, probably better to just write it up here.


Monday, August 9, 2010

Wild Sign Madden; Sheppard on Notice...Again

The Deconstruction of the Risebrough Era took another step when Fletcher signed John Madden the other day to an old-guy deal. $1.25M (including attainable bonuses) for a former Selke-quality pivot whose game January 25th will begin with an abbreviated ring ceremony at United Center.

Among other things, Fletcher inherited a team with gaping holes at center or at least at the skills good centers have - beyond their #1 center, anyway. Little things like, you know, winning faceoffs. And offense. And defense. And this move certainly helps shore up those holes.

Now it's true the Wild still doesn't have that drop dead all-world pure offensive 1st line center. But beggars can't be choosers. And Mikko wears the "first line" yoke more naturally than any of the other candidates for 1st line duty with the Wild.

So insert Madden. I thought (not that this was some big analysis) that Madden was a critical FA signing for the Hawks last season. That whole: "young team starts to put it together, suffers playoff heartache, must learn to lose in order to learn to win, really takes off when management brings in a mensch/Yoda figure to help get them over the hump" storyline.

I love that he's the forward version of Zanon. I love that he's been there. I love that he'll bust his ass to get back to break up a 2-on-1. He'd never had an awkward moment, so he tried one. (Oops...that was someone else.)

And, one of the by-products of this is that Master James Sheppard has....TA-DA! Competition! Sheppard's is a tragic tale of ill-placed promise and piss-poor career management by superiors. And Wild fans have turned on him. Ho-boy have they turned on him. Ask a Wild fan and they're likely to say that Shep's best chance at glory is if they ever do a movie about the '72 Summit Series and he gets cast as Henderson.

We've all seen how Shep's assumed the mantle (position?) in a pressure-free situation in the past. Sure it might have been before he was mature enough to handle it, but then again, he has been playing the game since he was three, dontchaknow.

Maybe he saw Casey Wellman as competition, maybe not. But now, with an old school NHL veteran, multi-cup winner breathing down his neck - not to mention his GM's comments in the paper, there's no way he can come to camp and claim "I didn't realize a roster spot wasn't guaranteed!"

Is this good or not?

Hard to say.

Wild fans seem resigned to losing Shep for nothing in return - just to get rid of him at this point. And, let's face it, nothing says "Minnesota Wild" more than losing former first rounders for nothing. But Wild fans also like to say contradictory things like "Shep is completely worthless but, if he gets waived, there's a 100% chance someone will claim him." Suffice it to say Sheppard has not engendered any good will, won any hearts or minds or garnered himself any currency with Wild fans.

It's hard to roast Risebrough for losing assets for no return and turn around and give the new guy a pass for doing the same thing. And, to me anyway, Fletcher has raised my expectations by getting Latendresse for Pouliot. So I'd like to get something for Sheppard. But, that's being mindful that just not having to talk about him might be getting something (read time) back on his departure.

For now, the important thing is that the Wild is one step closer to shutting the door at the end of one more dark, musty hallway in the Risebrough wing of Wild Mansion. That's good enough for me.