Rumors and chatter

By KiPA

If it's one thing we don't get enough of, it's rumors. I know I love reading them. Deep down, you do too, whether you admit it or not. In fact, if you admit it, then it's not all that deep down, it's pretty much right on the surface.

Thanks to my sources, I have learned of the following rumors around the National Hockey League.

--Ted Leonsis, owner of the Washington Capitals, has filed a formal petition to do away with that whole "Stanley Cup Playoffs" thing and make the NHL more like European soccer leagues. That is, whoever finishes atop the standings at the end of the regular season is the champion, no pesky elimination bracket thing involved.

--Also from the petition office, Pittsburgh and Florida have proposed that teams should have the option, just like in the NFL, to decline penalties against the other team.

--The Penguins are also suggesting the possibility that any team that is owned by a Hall of Famer who played for said team should not be held to the restraints of the salary cap, especially if their group of wingers consists of Pascal Dupuis, a scarecrow and a man made of tin.

--Devils general manager Lou Lamoriello reportedly requested Gary Bettman void Ilya Kovalchuk's contract. Again.

--The Philadelphia Flyers are investigating whether or not they actually have a legit NHL goalie in Sergei Bobrovsky.

--Whether confirmed or false, I share everything, but I can categorically shoot down the rumors that Buffalo general manager Darcy Regier runs a lemonade stand during the warm months in Buffalo in order to fund the Sabres.

--I can also deny that Buffalo has warm months.

--The Los Angeles Kings, seeking more star power, are in discussions to sign Lakers star Kobe Bryant.

--No one from the Clippers was under consideration.

--Former Avalanche and Flyers star Peter Forsberg is considering making a comeback to the NHL. (Sorry, this one's for real.)

--I've heard this bandied about so often that it's time to set the record straight. The Blue Jackets? In no way related to yellow jackets.

--I think this one has legs: the Minnesota Wild, seeking a more appropriate level of competition, will look to play Minnetonka, Edina and Blaine in a four-team league.

--The Ottawa Senators are looking to move Alexei Kovalev for someone who has a little more heart. Someone like Dick Cheney.

--Montreal ownership was going to change its "club de hockey Canadien" to just "club de Halak" until general manager Pierre Gauthier screwed it up by trading Jaroslav Halak to St. Louis. Thousands of T-shirts, hats and sweaters bearing the new name have since been shipped to third-world countries along the likes of "Patriots 19-0" and "Dewey defeats Truman" merchandise.

--The biggest rumor of all: That this is an original list. Some of it is, maybe, most of it probably isn't.