Thursday, May 12, 2011

I hate the Internet


The Internet is good for only two things: Porn and up-to-the-second sports news/scores. OK, three things: Porn, up-to-the-second sports news/scores, and more porn.

The rest is garbage, particularly when it pertains to, uh, sports. The Internet provides an avenue for dopes (including yours truly) to spew garbage about sports. Specifically, horseshit rumors about one's favorite team. Especially when they're the same goddamn ones every summer.

News came out that the Penguins would like to invite the franchise's second-greatest player, Jaromir Jagr, back to Pittsburgh this summer as the team recognizes and organizes a reunion for the 1991 Stanley Cup-winning team. There will be a golf gathering, a dinner, and I don't know what else.

The goal, according to an accredited (albeit douchy and lame) writer (Rob Rossi), is to mend any broken fences with Jagr. The two didn't part under the most pleasant of circumstances, though a large reason for Jagr's trade to Washington was financially-based. After the fence-mending, the Penguins hope to one day retire Jagr's No. 68.

Somehow, the morons on the Internet - and radio talk shows - took this to actually mean general manager Ray Shero will try signing Jagr to a contract for this season. I'm sure Eklund has already given this e4 status. Or J17 status. Bingo. Whatever.

You know, because that's what makes sense. Any time you can bring in a 39-year-old player who hasn't been in the NHL for three years when you didn't want to sign him three years ago, you have to do it, right?

Could it happen? Sure. Will it? I'd say it's pretty darn unlikely.

Jagr still seems to have some pep in his step. He had 71 points in a full 2007-08 season with the Rangers and 15 points in 10 playoff games. This season in the KHL, Jagr posted 51 points in 49 games.

That doesn't mean he can still find success in the NHL. Unfortunately, that's not going to stop the Internet from blowing up with baseless rumors of Jagr's return to the Penguins.

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