Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Post-Game Haiku Reax: Wild @ Canucks, 3/18/13


Mason here with tonight’s most triumphant Post-Game Haiku Reax. This night spelled doom-and-gloom on the stats front as well as the inglorious realization that my Fn Comcast DVR betrayed me. Despite FSN’s super low-budge FNS+ BS of a channel trying to F up my night by reprogramming and jiving my set recording, causing me to miss half of the game, [breath] I entered into the foray eight minutes into the second period with the game still tied (a silver lining), and I’d like to think that the Wild and I both produced some solid results. [gasping for air]

It was an historic night for the Wild. Monkeys were brushed away from backs like so much dander; the dark cloud over that GDMFn team gained some saturation—sure they’ve’d locker room issues regarding their goaler troubles but at least they’ve ALWAYS been able to win the div—no longer, dear readers! As NiNY so eloquently penned, the Wild has “put a stake in the ground that they are, and intend to remain, officially on the scene.” I’d’ve woefully written something more to the point but far more base: “Bitches better recognize.”

For the inspiration of tonight’s “poetry,” I’d like to thank Founder’s Centennial Ale, two heaping Belgians of Steel Toe Brewing’s Dissent, and the brand spanking new New Belgium Brewing’s Rampant Imperial IPA. Here are tonight’s Post-Game Haiku Reax (in italics and con blossoms as always), begat directly once the horrid realization donned upon me that I’d been betrayed:

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I Missed half the game.
Fuck you Comcast DVR.
Then those fucks score. Great.

Then I spill some beer.
Clearly this game is cursed for sure.

Blossoms or some shit.

I blame the Canucks
because F those guys that's why.
Case in point: Burrows. 

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The first half is myth.
Lapanta can't be trusted;
Greenlay too jolly.

---

My mood is a stone.
Nothing will salvage my tone--
BRODIN GIVES BONERS!!1

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To think: PP goal.
Had only we killed their own.
Classic rebound team.

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Schroeder the traitor.
We hap'ly disown our own
When they sign with THEM.

---

Canucks are buzzing.
Does a Canuck buzz? A bee?
Your morning alarm.

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Backstrom climbs mountains.
Walks on ice but when it breaks,
the Finned cannot swim.

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Swedes when out of breath--
not a good interview make.
Gorg huffs in troll too.

O' Jamie Hersch.
As boom goes the dynamite
as FSN gets.
Super hot, though.
(That's my one haiku form veto.)

Have I made it clear
how much I hate these Fers?
F them with a moose.

---

Andrew Ebbet? Who?
Sometimes one man's junk and such...
Not this time for sure.
(BTW: onemansjunk.com is a terribly misleading 
website.)

---

Chuck MFn Coyle!!1
That's a better deflection
than blaming the cats.

Now I need more beer.
The last drops of the Steel Toe
are most bittersweet.

Only fools are prone
to writing sober haiku.
Fools, too, like Canucks.

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I'll never ever
complain again of Cullen.
He's now Mr. March.

---

Norris Division.
Hawks, Blues, Stars, Preds, Avs... Peggers?
Terrible website.

---

Like pre-worn blue jeans
Luongo's battleworn mask
is bullshit. Surprised?

---

Even my dumb cats
would forego food and snuggles
offered by Canucks.

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Who could haiku now?
Seventeen ticks to glory.
GFYS, Cs.

History is made?
Move way over Vancouver?
Sad realignment.