Mason
here with tonight’s most triumphant Post-Game Haiku Reax. This night spelled
doom-and-gloom on the stats front as well as the inglorious realization that my
Fn Comcast DVR betrayed me. Despite FSN’s super low-budge FNS+ BS of a channel
trying to F up my night by reprogramming and jiving my set recording, causing
me to miss half of the game, [breath] I entered into the foray eight minutes
into the second period with the game still tied (a silver lining), and I’d like
to think that the Wild and I both produced some solid results. [gasping for
air]
It was an
historic night for the Wild. Monkeys were brushed away from backs like so much
dander; the dark cloud over that GDMFn team gained some saturation—sure they’ve’d
locker room issues regarding their goaler troubles but at least they’ve ALWAYS
been able to win the div—no longer, dear readers! As NiNY
so eloquently penned, the Wild has “put a stake in the ground that they
are, and intend to remain, officially on the scene.” I’d’ve woefully written
something more to the point but far more base: “Bitches better recognize.”
For the
inspiration of tonight’s “poetry,” I’d like to thank Founder’s Centennial Ale, two heaping Belgians
of Steel Toe Brewing’s Dissent,
and the brand spanking new New Belgium
Brewing’s Rampant Imperial IPA. Here are tonight’s Post-Game Haiku Reax (in
italics and con blossoms as always),
begat directly once the horrid realization donned upon me that I’d been
betrayed:
---
I Missed half the game.
Fuck you Comcast DVR.
Then those fucks score. Great.
Fuck you Comcast DVR.
Then those fucks score. Great.
Then I spill some beer.
Clearly this game is cursed for sure.
Blossoms or some shit.
Clearly this game is cursed for sure.
Blossoms or some shit.
I blame the Canucks
because F those guys that's why.
Case in point: Burrows.
Case in point: Burrows.
---
The first half is myth.
Lapanta can't be trusted;
Greenlay too jolly.
Lapanta can't be trusted;
Greenlay too jolly.
---
My mood is a stone.
Nothing will salvage my tone--
BRODIN GIVES BONERS!!1
Nothing will salvage my tone--
BRODIN GIVES BONERS!!1
---
To think: PP goal.
Had only we killed their own.
Classic rebound team.
Had only we killed their own.
Classic rebound team.
---
Schroeder the traitor.
We hap'ly disown our own
When they sign with THEM.
We hap'ly disown our own
When they sign with THEM.
---
Canucks are buzzing.
Does a Canuck buzz? A bee?
Your morning alarm.
Does a Canuck buzz? A bee?
Your morning alarm.
---
Backstrom climbs
mountains.
Walks on ice but when it breaks,
the Finned cannot swim.
Walks on ice but when it breaks,
the Finned cannot swim.
---
Swedes when out of
breath--
not a good interview make.
Gorg huffs in troll too.
not a good interview make.
Gorg huffs in troll too.
O' Jamie Hersch.
As boom goes the dynamite
as FSN gets.
Super hot, though.
(That's my one haiku form veto.)
As boom goes the dynamite
as FSN gets.
Super hot, though.
(That's my one haiku form veto.)
Have I made it clear
how much I hate these Fers?
F them with a moose.
how much I hate these Fers?
F them with a moose.
---
Andrew Ebbet? Who?
Sometimes one man's junk and such...
Not this time for sure.
Sometimes one man's junk and such...
Not this time for sure.
(BTW: onemansjunk.com is a terribly misleading
website.)
website.)
---
Chuck MFn Coyle!!1
That's a better deflection
than blaming the cats.
That's a better deflection
than blaming the cats.
Now I need more beer.
The last drops of the Steel Toe
are most bittersweet.
The last drops of the Steel Toe
are most bittersweet.
Only fools are prone
to writing sober haiku.
Fools, too, like Canucks.
to writing sober haiku.
Fools, too, like Canucks.
---
I'll never ever
complain again of Cullen.
He's now Mr. March.
complain again of Cullen.
He's now Mr. March.
---
Norris Division.
Hawks, Blues, Stars, Preds, Avs... Peggers?
Terrible website.
Hawks, Blues, Stars, Preds, Avs... Peggers?
Terrible website.
---
Like pre-worn blue jeans
Luongo's battleworn mask
is bullshit. Surprised?
Luongo's battleworn mask
is bullshit. Surprised?
---
Even my dumb cats
would forego food and snuggles
offered by Canucks.
would forego food and snuggles
offered by Canucks.
---
Who could haiku now?
Seventeen ticks to glory.
GFYS, Cs.
Seventeen ticks to glory.
GFYS, Cs.
History is made?
Move way over Vancouver?
Sad realignment.
Move way over Vancouver?
Sad realignment.
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