Mason here with a ton of Post-Game Haiku Reax. They just kept coming out. TWSS?
This was an awesome game for the Wild... for 55 minutes. Prior to that 55th minute, the only goal was a fluke deflection off Tom "I want hot dogs, mama" Gilbert "Grape." Then the shitty Arizonian (God-damn-it-why-am-I-even-talking-about-Arizona-on-a-hockey-blog) glass decided to make an impact on the game and deflect the puck past Bax. To his discredit, though, there is exactly zero excuse EVAR for a goalie not hugging his goddamn post.
And then, of course, the Wild couldn't just seal the deal without making me diarrhea F-bombs for the last five minutes. Regardless of Shane Doan-Stop-Believin' acting like a Captain should by doing something for his team with a minute left, the Wild held on to a better win than the 4-3 score would infer. Below are the haiku spawn.
Enjoy!
---
"Hey,
guys, I've got it!
Desert hockey--we can't lose!"
Gary Bettman sucks.
Desert hockey--we can't lose!"
Gary Bettman sucks.
---
Instead
of "Zucker"
if his last name was "Zmuckers"
I'd spread him on bread.
if his last name was "Zmuckers"
I'd spread him on bread.
---
Hey,
Raffi Torres,
fuck you, you fucking fucker.
Your mom hates you too.
fuck you, you fucking fucker.
Your mom hates you too.
---
I
now love Mike Rupp.
His jab-fake and then right cross
felled his mighty foe.
His jab-fake and then right cross
felled his mighty foe.
---
Pitbull
and Bud Lite--
Dooshiest combination
conceived by humans.
Dooshiest combination
conceived by humans.
---
What
about hockey
draws such horrid jersey fouls?
How low the sport falls.
draws such horrid jersey fouls?
How low the sport falls.
---
"Speed
Demon" Heatley
Scores whilst skating? I know, right?
Spring blossoms for all.
Scores whilst skating? I know, right?
Spring blossoms for all.
---
Suter
has blossomed
Into an assist monster.
Still a dooshbag, though.
Into an assist monster.
Still a dooshbag, though.
---
Silence,
ye heathens!
Lord Russo's wisdom wastes on
The Fool Lapanta.
Lord Russo's wisdom wastes on
The Fool Lapanta.
---
Sad
state of affairs:
"Bad Penalty" Konopka--
the Wild's union rep.
"Bad Penalty" Konopka--
the Wild's union rep.
---
That's
a Heatley goal:
Immobile, facing net, snipe.
Trees pine for hat trick.
Immobile, facing net, snipe.
Trees pine for hat trick.
---
Imagine
that shit:
Raffi Torres penalty,
dirty high-sticking.
dirty high-sticking.
---
Brodin
needs to score.
Man crush will then be complete.
Boners for Brodin.
Man crush will then be complete.
Boners for Brodin.
---
O
hay, by the way:
Mike Smith is a big doosh too.
Phoenix Dooshyotes.
Mike Smith is a big doosh too.
Phoenix Dooshyotes.
---
Giving
up a goal
to dude named Rusty Klesla?
Worth the goal against.
to dude named Rusty Klesla?
Worth the goal against.
---
Lil
Jared Spurgeon
spells "Jared" correctly,
which is why he scored.
spells "Jared" correctly,
which is why he scored.
---
Wild
chases Mike Smith!
It's Hannah LaBarbera.
Yabadabadooooooo!
It's Hannah LaBarbera.
Yabadabadooooooo!
---
3-on-2,
Cullen.
Next time no 40-foot shots.
We can't trade that shit.
Next time no 40-foot shots.
We can't trade that shit.
---
Stoner
penalty.
Highass interference call.
(Oldie but goodie.)
Highass interference call.
(Oldie but goodie.)
---
Name
a mouse "Raffi"
Feed the fucker to my cats.
Gig'ling like a fool.
Feed the fucker to my cats.
Gig'ling like a fool.
---
Cath'lics
during Lent:
Gimme that fillet o'fish.
Would Jesus Big Size?
Gimme that fillet o'fish.
Would Jesus Big Size?
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