Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Post-Game Haiku Reax: Wild @ Stars, 3/25/13



Mason here with tonight’s historic Post Game Haiku Reax. The Streak Continues. A six-game winning streak seems hardly historic—sure; but there are streaks within this streak that continue to blow mimes. There are so many entrenched streaks that it’s gotta be a pair of older brother briefs, lost and forlorn in some unlikely corner of a closet. Gross.

Inspiration is a helluva drug. And like the Wild over these last six games and countless oni koroshi moments, tonight’s haiku were riding whatever worked to get the win. For the Wild, it was constant offensive bravado. For my haiku, it was narwhal, Lord of the Rings, and pornography. An odd assortment, one might opine. But one does not simply question into inspiration. One is only a conduit to its spark, or some bullshit.

Enjoy!

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Oh, you Dallas Stards.
Blonde bombshell oil barons
and disowned snow birds.

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Captains of Gondor:
Boromir then Faramir--
and last Jaromir.

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Finn on Finn action.
Fierce, bored goaltending narwhals.
They all turtle walk.

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No Morrow, no Ott,
no Modano mouth breathing.
No woman no cry.

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A rare Suter gaffe.
It'll make him cray-cray mad.
Five assists mad?

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Discount Chicken, downed.
Who could replace that classic
missed high-glove shot?

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Pah-REE-zee’s bunt skillz
may be needed by the Twins.
You smell those Ribbies?

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Who would've guessed it?
Play stops, Konopka is dumb--
but no penalty.

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You are no captain,
Jaromir. Your weak mullet:
unfit for Gondor.

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Buck-a-Chicken's back.
Beware, glass above the glove.
Puck’s headed your way.

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"Can't score on your back,"
Sayeth no pornstar EVAR.
Zenon's no pornstar.

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Narwhals burst through ice.
Koivu's mighty, cold murder--
tusks poised to heavens.

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Backstrom def looks tired.
Daley always makes score sheet.
Blossoms in spring thaw.

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There's no one to hate.
Dallas, boring and contrived.
Ghosted rivalry.

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Zachomir leads Men.
Captain of Gondor—worth shown.
("Paromir" better?)

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Stoner saves a goal
like he's short for a dimebag
and his credit sucks.

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Matthew Cullen scores,
snipes it like a red squirrel
tight-roping his porch.

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"Good PP, no score."
Sayeth no pornstar EVAR.
Paging Al Semin.

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Need Bax to step up
like a proud elder Narwhal.
One last war in him.

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No lie: need ice girls.
Not like female shovelers--
pornstar shovelers.

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Pah-REE-zee hattrick.
Need more than pornstar ice girls--
(maybe). Pucks at net!

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Kyle BRRROOOOOODZIAAAAAAK!!1
Clutter's classic missed glove shot.
I take it back, Cal.

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Can barely haiku.
Rivalry zombies to life.
Dallas still boring.

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What a kill, fellas.
Maintain, maintain, and maintain.
Olde Time turtle shell.

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Up Dwarven phallanx.
Pin cushion, pikes, and tusks out.
Heater welds it shut?

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Sixteen games. Ten years.
Bouchard is only one left
from that bygone game.

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