Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Twitter Trolling: Jason Zucker Really Likes His GF. Like A Lot.

Mason here with another edition of Twitter Trolling, where we'll be watching, waiting, as though living under a bridge, for Wild players to do something mildly entertaining on Twitter. Hopefully we don't just resort to making fun of hockey player grammar.

Quite succinctly speaking, it appears that Jason Zucker just Fn loves his GF. Like... A lot. Behold:

Being the jaded MFer that I am, I imagine this bizarre behavior is the result of girl friendly pressure. Like Zucker could tell her in person with his mouth to her two perky ears that he loves every single one of her thoughts, but that she retorts with "Then why don't you EVAR favorite my Tweets? Yes, even the insanely banal, waste-of-bandwidth Tweets."

And he's so sick of it now that out of reflex he just goes through her backlog and favorites the shit out of her endless dross.

I mean, c'mon. What's the thought process?

Madison Woodbright Tweets: I left my sunglasses in Jason's truck...

Jason thinks: "OMG that's my fave Tweet ever! [Favorited.] And now she doesn't have to inconvenience herself with asking why I didn't favorite it! I'm the best BF. Ahh love."

Yes, young, dumb, Twitter love.

Yet I'm the one watching, waiting, trolling for it. And without it I'd have to formulate cogent observations and opinions about deep hockey theory. That, however, is no fun when your shitty team is 0-2-1.

So maybe that's the moral. Ahem...

Dear, Wild.

Please turn this quickly sinking shitbarge around as soon as poss so that the most noteworthy thing we at HTP have to write about is NOT your meaningless Twitter activity.

Thanks, bros.

<3 HTP

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